The Irony of Life: Black Swans
Months ago, I was sure I would not be in the position I am right now.
Months ago, I discarded the possibility of ever even being in this position.
Months ago, I was so sure I knew exactly where my future would lead me.
Months ago…
I never wanted to work in an office. I never wanted to work in a bank. The internship at TD Bank Financial Group helped me realize that I love being on the movie, love interacting others and not sitting in front of a computer screen 8 hours a day, 5 days a week…
I considered majors with scientific concentrations such as Applied Mathematics/Earth Sciences option, and Computational Mathematics/Earth and Space Option.
I wanted to work in an environment where research, learning and benefiting society were a higher priority than money. I wanted to stay morally inclined, and do something meaningful with my life.
So what changed? Why the near sudden change of almost one-hundred and eighty degrees?
Experience.
Though it may not account for what caused all the change, the experiences I’ve recently had definitely have created a significant impact as to my stance toward life at the moment.
And that’s good. I’m a firm believer in that experience is the best way for one to learn about them. And even more importantly, experience can eliminate, or at least reduce, the biased pre-emptive notions regarding a decision. And especially from my experience, this has proven to be true for than one occasion.
So where exactly in life am I right now, and how did my own experiences affect my position as this current point in time?
Well as of right now, I’m very very strongly considering Mathematical Finances, which I believe is the biggest change (and shock for myself). However, I believe that I have ten times better understanding than I did in the summer; at least, understanding that is not clouded by bias.
Through the past few months, I’ve come to realize a few things.
1) I enjoy computer science.
Even at TD in the summer, I enjoyed the logical approaches to solving problems, and using creativity to develop an appropriate solution to said problems. As well, even right now, I strongly enjoy learning about computer science and my intent is to continue to learn more. My plan, of course, is to get a head start in Python and learn a bit of C so that I can have some back-up for a summer co-op job.
But most importantly, I want to learn. Learning is a distinct passion of mine that not too many people share. Some people have a passion for painting; it completes them. Others have a passion for writing music; it makes them happy inside. As for myself? Strange as it is, learning is something that makes me happy. If every day I can learn something new, I will feel accomplished.
And so going back to computer science, because it’s something that I love learning about, I definitely want to keep it in my life. I would love to take courses at Waterloo such as CS 350: Operating Systems and CS 452: Real-time Programming. However, if I wish to take such courses, I need to commit my major to at least something along the lines of Joint Applied Mathematics/Computer Science. But if I do that, then I will commit myself to more computer science, meaning more programming jobs. And if I have a programming job, I won’t be happy.
Conclusion? I enjoy computer science as a hobby, and I love learning about it. But it’s something that I want to keep as a hobby, and not something I work on.
2) I love the competition and working with others aspect that business brings.
I’ve known for quite some time that I love working with others, that I’m comfortable speaking in front of others and I love competition. Thus, for a long time, I was extremely concerned about the fact that I was considering academia as a future career simply because I would pass up an innumerable amount of things that I excel at.
And now working with DECA, and knowing the fact that because almost everyone is in Accounting & Financial Management, they all want to be involved in business in one shape or form. And I love these people. And then as I look at those in math… they’re all just… not what I want to be?
Very few are involved. As well, most of them want to be actuaries or theoretical physicists in the future. And I just can’t stand that. I love people that love being involved. And most of the people that are in DECA, are in other clubs I’m in as well which works out brilliantly. And though I won’t say anything about actuaries, I really don’t get theoretical physicists. Do you want to do that for the rest of your life? Especially due to the fact that it’s hardly viable, demand is low and your chance at success is even lower. Not to mention, you need to commit a large portion of your life to even begin to dream about success in theoretical physics.
I don’t know. I’m someone who can’t stick with the same content or job for a long period of time. I love change. I love new experiences.
Conclusion? I appreciate those involved in business-related affairs and the business environment itself.
3) From what I know, I actually enjoy finance.
Reading through an article on risk mismanagement by Joe Nocera that I initially read at TD, definitely re-sparked my interest in it. During lunch breaks at work, I used to go down to the bookstores and gaze at all the books related to the stock market collapse, financial management and so forth. I considered purchasing money but I ended up buying a book focused on an introduction to game theory (which was poorly written and has dissuaded me from game theory forever and ever).
As well, today in the School of Accounting & Finance, there were presentations by those in a 4th-year Actuarial Science course, which focused on portfolio optimization. I found that really interesting, and it’s something I’d like to learn in the future.
Conclusion? Re-evaluate my attitude toward mathematical finance by attempting to read The Black Swan by Nicholas Taleb. If I can get through it, I’ve made the right decision. If I can’t, back to square one.
4) I should strive to eliminate any bias or prejudice I have toward any subject.
This should be a given, but it’s not and hasn’t been. Within high school, I always stayed away from business and economics. I thought those fields were focused on making money and nothing else. However, my experience at Shad Valley quickly destroyed that outlook.
And now in university, I wanted to stay away from mathematical finance, actuarial science and so forth simply because I felt that going into those fields would make me become a mindless zombie, obsessed with earning more and more money. However, my extracurricular involvement has definitely caused me to revisit and dispel that notion.
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Conclusion
I’m on the verge of committing myself to a major in Mathematical Finance. Just a few more analyses, and I’ll make a promise to myself. But where will I go after my undergraduate? Only time will tell. It could be anywhere from law school, to graduate school in mathematics to who knows what.
And especially since I couldn’t predict this sudden decision even days ago, I can’t even fathom to imagine the change of attitude I will have years from now.
But most importantly, I want to stay true to myself and true to my morals. Nothing will upset me more at the end of life, than if I went against my morals and beliefs.
La Fin.
